My name is Sophie. Well, Sophia Lestari, to be exact. I'm not really a journal person but to be honest I need something to help me sort my thoughts out right now, and this is all I could think of. A lot of stuff has happened to me today, and I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do now. So instead of dwelling on that I figured I could write out all the things that have happened. I might as well start from the beginning.
Three years ago now, my dad was asked to join a space expedition. He's a scientist and engineer, and a really good one, he worked at the state laboratory, known as the Science Institution, the biggest science place in the country. A couple of hundred scientists went on a ship into space to do some research on other planets, or something of the sort. So my dad was asked to go with them, and although he really wanted to go, he didn't want to leave us behind, me and my ammi and my two siblings. Ammi knew how much he wanted to go and eventually she convinced him to. It was really hard on me and I know it must have been on her as well, but we managed and dad has been on the expedition ever since. The expedition came back once, but after that there were all sorts of delays and detours and they haven't been back for about two years now.
Everything was fine for a while. I was worried of course, but I had enough going on that I didn't dwell on it. My sister Rachel and her twin brother Kris are barely ten and since my mum, my ammi, got sick last year I've had to take charge of the family. It's a cell blasting disease, and there's no cure, or at least not in any way affordable or accessible to us.
She slowly grew weaker and it was so hard for me to go through, standing by and watching her dying, able to do nothing to help her. It was something that couldn't be made better, it would only get worse.
Anyway, so ammi had been really weak for the last couple of days and I hardly left her except for school, which she insisted I go to. This morning she was paler than usual and knowing that she didn't have long to live I was planning on skipping school, but she made me go. She had a nurse who would be coming in and checking on her later so I knew she would be looked after. I packed my school bag, grabbed my siblings, said a last goodbye to ammi and left for school. Little did I know that I'd never see her again.
That afternoon, when school ended, I collected Rachel and Kris and we took the bus home. When we got to our street, I could tell something was wrong. There were three black hover-vehicles outside our apartment building. At that point, I already knew what had happened. I must have slowed down, because I remember Rachel pulling on my arm, asking me what was wrong. I couldn't speak. I just surged forward, quickly closing the distance between us and the vehicles. I realised that there was an official looking woman and a man there waiting for us. As we approached them they confirmed my fears.
"Are you Elisa Lestari children?" the woman asked.
"Yes." I replied, completely anxious.
"I'm sorry." The woman continued. "But your mother is dead."
My pain must have shown on my face because the man patted my shoulder sympathetically. Rachel had burst into tears and Kris was ashen faced.
"What's going to happen to us?" I asked the officials.
“Oh, so what are you doing here? How did you get through the force field?” I asked her, because I guess I hadn’t figured out that I was clearly not on my home planet.
“What?!” Lexie stared at me in bafflement for a long time before taking some deep breaths and speaking in a much gentler tone. “What’s your name?”
"You'll be taken to a foster home in about twenty minutes." The woman told me. "So you can have a while to recover and then you'll need to go pack a bag."
Looking at the woman's face I could tell she didn't really care that much, she was just doing her daily job. The man, on the other hand, did look like he was genuinely concerned for us, especially for Rachel who had been non-stop sobbing for about five minutes by then. I was too shaken to cry, and I couldn't bring myself to in front of my siblings. I had to stay strong for them if I was going to look after them properly.
Eventually the woman snappily said that we had to get ready to leave for our new homes. Yet another display of her amazing empathy. Rachel and Kris were taken upstairs to their room to pack some stuff by the man, and the woman led me to my room. I thought of asking where my mum's body had been taken, but I figured it didn't matter, it's not like I'd be allowed to go see her.
The woman waited outside of my room while I grabbed a backpack and filled it with anything I thought I'd need. Clothes, credit, gizmos I'd built with ammi; but not too many things, as the woman only asked me to take one bag. I grabbed a small red blanket and stuffed it in too. Then the bag was full and I strung it over my shoulder, took one last look around my room, and left. The woman looked at me tiredly as I came out of my room.
"Are we ready to go then?" I asked kind of spitefully, causing an exasperated look on the woman's face. We headed out to the front door.
"Your siblings are still getting ready." She told me. "We're just waiting for them so you can say goodbye then I'll take you to your new family."
"Wait! What do you mean, say goodbye?" I exclaimed. "Aren't they coming with us?!".
"No, they aren't." she said bluntly. "There aren't any foster homes prepared to take in three children. So you'll go to one and they'll go to another."
I was speechless. I'd been counting entirely on going with them.
"But I have to look after them!" I complained.
"You will be allowed to visit them, obviously." The woman continued. "But you can't live with them, like I said there's no place that will take all three of you."
"But-" I burst out.
"Your personal preference cannot change the way things are." The woman seemed quite annoyed. "You'll say goodbye to them today and then you'll come with me, and that's final!"
I opened my mouth to protest, but knew it was useless. An idea began to form in my head. If I couldn't be with my siblings, then I wasn't going to any foster home. "Can I just go get my jacket?" I said quietly. "I forgot it."
"Alright, but be quick."
I ran down the hall to my room, shutting the door behind me. I sprinted over to my window and pulled it open. Shifting my backpack on my shoulder, one leg already out the window, I looked towards my door, and whispered, "I'm sorry." Then I jumped down onto the railing below my window and climbed down to the ground. I came up running, sprinting through the back alley between buildings. I rounded the corner, running away from my house, my lovely little home, going nowhere in particular. I hated myself for running away from my siblings but I couldn't see another way. I thought if I went to where my dad worked, where the expedition was started, then I could maybe wait for him to come back. I fished through my bag for some money, and headed towards a hover-bus stop. I didn't have money for the transmat trip there so a bus would have to do.
So here I am now, on the bus, writing this. I feel like crying, like curling up into a ball and bawling my heart out. But I can't. I don't feel safe anymore, everything's different and I'm starting a new life. In about ten minutes I'll be at the Science Institution, which is where my dad worked, and then I'll have to work out some way to convince them to let me stay.
I thought no news could add more pain to that of my ammi's death. But then I arrived at dad's work. When I got there yesterday, I went straight to the desk and asked about the expedition. After I gave my identification, I was directed to the records room, which was a large room full of electronic filing cabinets and had one desk with an averaged sized computer system set up around it. After waiting a moment, in came an old woman in a wheelchair. She had greying blonde hair and a kind face. She introduced herself as Louise Harper.
I asked her about the expedition, and she started looking really sad. After a brief hesitance, she explained to me that the expedition went missing months ago. As if enough bad things hadn't happened lately. Louise told me that they'd filed a report to the Alliance organisation and asked for an investigation but they received a message back saying they couldn't find anything. So that's just great. I was stumped. For a moment I just stood there, thinking. And then I asked Louise if I could stick around until they heard any news.
She looked at me so sadly, and she seemed so genuinely concerned for me that when she asked me why, instead of making up a cover story, I ended up telling her everything. I told her about ammi dying, dad leaving, being separated from Kris and Rachel, and running away. Louise seemed to sympathise with me. She said she'd known my parents quite well and could remember my dad bringing me in to work on occasion when I was much younger. She asked me some questions about education and my mum and stuff, and told me that I seem quite intelligent, and that I could easily make a budding scientist.
"We'll try and figure out something do to about your living situation." She said. "And then you could work here with me."
"Living situation? Well... actually I was planning on living...." I stopped. Where, I thought, on the streets? On my own? I had no idea what I was going to do.
Louise talked to some people and then came and told me that I would be living at her house and could work as her assistant. I was over-joyed. It wasn't a normal life, for sure, but I loved science and as a kid had loved hearing about my dad's work and now I'm living among it. I also felt comforted that these people hadn't turned me away and had instead given me a place to stay, a new home. Last night I helped Louise, who organizes files, writes reports and oversees experiments and stuff, sort through field work reports. After that I went with her to her house, where she let me sleep on the couch, seeing as she didn't have a guest room or anything.
This morning while Louise was out doing some other work, I went on the network and sifted through the files about the expedition and read some of their reports. Now I'm writing this. I feel like this might be the last time I write in this journal for a while.