Halapatov

Chapter Sixteen

Sophie and I sat in a locked room in the peacekeeper's station for a few hours, and then some more, as we got questioned and examined and reprimanded and put through their processing.

They weren't very impressed with us, to say the least, but the disappearance of all the ghosts seemed to have given Sophie a pardon from her earlier resisting of arrest. More than that, I suppose, they could see the state she was in... that we both were in.

We'd knelt silently, shaking, in the corner following our detainment as the Halapatovian authorities who had turned up combed the basement, and others examined Riowyn's now cold body. We'd followed as they carried her out, and an ambulance arrived, at which she was loaded onto a stretcher and covered as medics cast each other furtively concerned looks. We'd witnessed Riowyn's possessions, her bag and her devices and her files, confiscated and placed into evidence capsules, and officers discussed what had happened, and how she had died, of pure exhaustion from the effort of using her powers to simultaneously close the connection to the ghost dimension and release Sophie and I from their grip.

I couldn't believe I had been so reckless and stupid, in letting my friends go there. I knew, in hindsight, that we had all been affected by whatever those apparitions had been doing, and that absolved us of some blame in rushing foolishly into the fray and getting Riowyn killed trying to save us. But it didn't redeem us entirely, and as I spiralled down into self-hatred and despair I could feel Sophie spiralling even further down by my side. Of course she felt the most to blame. Even without everything else she'd been going through, and past trauma she had been reliving, she was the one who had been taken in by the ghosts, causing the chain reaction of me following her and Riowyn literally sacrificing her for our sake. I for one didn't blame Sophie in the least. I knew that she had been trapped in her own mind, and suffering, and in the midst of that the ghosts had offered her relief from that. I can't imagine who could have resisted that. I wished I could do something to get Sophie to not be so hard on herself. I was struggling with the death of my friend; Sophie was drowning.

We'd only known Riowyn a few days and yet I felt like I knew her very well. From the sound of things, we had been her only friends. She'd been an intelligent and thorough researcher, a great choice for a reporter, and she'd dedicated herself to the mystery of the ghosts, making her death terribly ironic. She had been compassionate and strong and she'd given her life without a thought for two people she barely knew. Tears leaked from my eyes as Sophie and I still sat, shaken, in our cell, and I turned, reaching out to comfort her, and receive comfort in return. Sophie didn't even seem to notice my arm around her, eyes glazed, lost deep within a well of thoughts. She was gone. I didn't know how to react to any of this. I'd lost two friends to the same event, in a way. I didn't know how I was going to recover, so what on earth could Sophie be experiencing.

"Sophie..." I murmured her name and as her unresponsive stupor continued, I broke down, sobbing into her shoulder.

Who knows how long later, one of the officers who had been involved in questioning us came in, returned what had been taken from us, informed us that Riowyn's family had been informed and would be travelling here to collect her with all her worldly possessions, let us know that from all the data they'd gathered it would seem that whatever plane the ghosts were contacting us from was blocked off now, and telling us that we would be let go, but that a report had been written up and the government would be keeping an eye on us. I figured we could've fared a lot worse, so I thanked them with what mind I had left and let them lead Sophie and me out of the building. My eyes lingered on the door that I knew Riowyn's body was behind and on her tray of stuff on the desk nearby, and I shut them tight, trying to push the thoughts away. Was it better to give in to the grief I felt or to go numb? I didn't really know, I don't think we get a choice in the matter anyway.

We wandered aimlessly for a while after we left, both very far away. A few people noticed us on the street and I could tell they were discretely pointing us out to each other. We'd been told that the news of our 'heroics' had been pretty widespread, so I wasn't really surprised, but it didn't fill me with the same pride that our antics on Flauraan had left me with. I felt hopeless in a way I would never get used to. This barely felt real. In the back of my mind I was still in the ghost world, floating without body or mind. To think that without Riowyn I would still be there. I shuddered. Maybe she would have died either way, pulled in after us. I tried to push all thoughts away a few times but continued to be pulled back into it, my brain working overtime. I held tight to Sophie at various times. We passed a few check-in points on our walk and I considered calling my parents, but what would I say? Honestly, they probably already knew what had happened, even if they didn't see the reports themselves somebody would have told them. They must have been so worried.

Finally, we stopped, and stood, on the side of the road. Sophie stared into space, as per the norm. I noticed her shaking. I couldn't stand the silence any more, so I started voicing my thoughts.

"If we hadn't come, the ghosts amassing would have been far more gradual, more deaths happening every now and then, but with increasing prevalence. Probably, hopefully, they would have been able to work out what was happening in that time and shut it down that way, but because of the teleport watch, which is of course so powerful, their presence was amplified, and it all happened now. It did mean that we had something solid to track it with though." I mused, reason piercing my grief as I tried to understand completely everything that had taken place. Sophie was trying not to look at me, silent, face a mask. The teleport watch, properly analysed and now harmless, was on its same place on her wrist; still she seemed to keep it away from her, as if its very existence was her condemnation. "Without us things would never have accelerated so quickly, and without us we would never have found the machine so quickly and been able to stop everything. Perhaps we should have waited for the halapatovian forces. But what's done is done, and Riowyn will always be a hero."

Sophie continued to ignore me, staring pointedly at the ground. I sighed. I had to be the strong one here, and for as long as we were together.

The next couple of days passed both agonizingly slowly and in a blur. Sophie and I tied up all of our loose ends on Halapatov. I did end up contacting my parents, but only to send them a short message saying that we were okay, and we would be coming home soon. No details.

We also had contact with Riowyn's family, enough to learn that they were holding somewhat of a funeral and, guilty as we felt, the idea of leaving without going was unthinkable.

So we found ourselves on the edge of a clearing, where a small gathering was being held with flowers and lights and memories; a traditional, though small, Halapatovian send-off. There weren't many people there - a few family members, a co-worker or two – a shame because it made it harder for Sophie and I to avoid attention.

A man with hair the same colour as Riowyn and weathered eyes approached us, expression sombre. "So you girls were with my daughter the last few days of her life?"

I nodded mutedly. Sophie didn't even bother to look at him.

"She'd told me a few times that she had been researching those... things. I'm glad you listened to her, and went along with her, I know it frustrated her that no one seemed to care." He sighed. "A few of those stories really resonated with her, and even with things as they are, she'd be overjoyed to know that the disappearances have stopped. So thank you."

"We don't deserve that." Sophie spoke up the clearest she had in days, piercing Riowyn's father with a steely gaze. He looked on in shock. "We did nothing worth your thanks, we got your daughter killed. She's the one that saved us, stopped the ghosts, did everything."

"Sophie..." I murmured, but it seemed that Sophie had emerged from her detached bubble of guilt into some twisted version of her old spark and directness, tainted with self-hatred.

"Without us, Riowyn would be alive and the whole world would be better off for it. You should detest us." She continued to fix Riowyn's dad with her fierce eyes.

He composed his expression and spoke softly. "Grief brings those thoughts to us. I feel her loss greatly, but I cannot be so callous as to point fingers. I do not thank you out of a place of ignorance; my family and I were filled in all of the details. I understand that she sacrificed herself for you, but that does not mean the blame is yours. It was her choice, and I don't think she saved you so that you could wallow in guilt all your life. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Though I know that that is not easy."

I watched Sophie's expression warily. She's broken. Her mouth was set stubbornly into a thin line. "It's not." She said finally. Was that good? I didn't know.

Riowyn's dad excused himself and I steered Sophie towards where Riowyn's body was held. She was wearing a loose, flowy outfit and her arms were crossed across her chest, an odd pose. You could almost have believed she was asleep if not for how... unnatural she seemed. My insides twinged with pain as I silently whispered goodbye to her. I hoped that whatever or wherever came after death was pleasant, she deserved the best. Sophie almost became paralysed again while staring at her face, but eventually she turned to me and said, "Let's go."

I nodded, and we left the rest of the mourners behind.

We had all of our luggage, everything we'd brought with us, and we'd done everything we needed to, so there was nothing left to do now but head back to Flauraan. I couldn't shake the sense of finality to everything. I had no idea what was next. Since that spaceship had landed behind my house my whole outlook on life had been shaken up and I didn't know what to expect for the rest of my life. Would Sophie stay? If not, would she visit? Was the Weraynian war as impending as I thought? Would I even be able to focus on my education or anything else? Would my life ever be normal again? What even was normal?

Choosing a safe place to depart from, Sophie and I tightened the straps on our bags, carefully input coordinates, and grasped each other's hands, before Sophie pressed the button that made us disappear and we cruised through the tightness and blackness once more. Did it mean anything that this once frightening and enthralling trip had become mundane to me? After the quick jump, I gasped reflexively and then almost laughed at the relief that came with being back on my home planet. We'd arrived back nearly to the exact place we'd departed from, on the hill where all of these adventures had begun. To one side was my house and to the other was the decline of the hill into the woods and fields, and I looked at both fondly. After being on Halapatov for what felt like a lifetime, Flauraan was the best place I could think to be at. Being home even briefly pushed all the mixed emotions from everything from my mind and I headed, thoughtless and feeling light, towards my house before I remembered my friend.

"Sophie? Are you coming?" I stopped and looked back to where she still stood, motionless.

The wind whipped through her hair, her face an odd mask of calm. I didn't have to be good at reading people to be worried right now. "No, I'm going to go now."

"What?" I recoiled. "Aren't you going to stay for a bit? At least to say goodbye to my parents? To anyone here?"

"I need to get going. I've been in the Staarus system for a while, and I didn't find my dad like I thought I would, and I got distracted, but that's whatever. I've got heaps to report and to keep looking into, and I'm not going to delay that anymore."

I crossed my arms. "Sophie, you're being irrational. There's nothing wrong with taking a bit of a break before moving on, especially after everything that's happened. You haven't exactly been the most stable recently-"

"That's right! I haven't! I have been a complete mess and I've made everything worse for it. First there was the dreams, those terrible reminders of... of everything. Then being, near those things. I couldn't get them out of my head. All I could see was a place where there was no death, no pain, and their words told me I'd be happy. It's so selfish of me!" she practically screamed, tears streaming down her cheeks. "How could I want that? How could I let them take me? How could I do that to you, to Riowyn? I killed her! It's my fault she's dead.... MY FAULT. If we hadn't gone into the light, if we'd stayed we could have helped her. If it weren't for luck we'd all be dead. I COULD'VE KILLED YOU, and I wouldn't even have known." Her expression turned bitter, cheeks wet. "I would've been in the ghost light, exactly as I wanted."

"Sophie it's not your faul-" I exploded but Sophie cut me off before I could continue.

"How can you defend me? How can you even LOOK at me after I pulled you in there? Riowyn's gone... I don't deserve.... I don't.... my life isn't worth anything. All I do is ruin other people's existence. I mean, look at you. You've had nothing but trouble since I strolled into your life."

"Sophie you know that's not your fault!" I burst out, terrified for my friend. I couldn't stand to see her like this. No matter what, she was always joyful and optimistic, always pushing forward, finding hope. Yet here she was, steeped in guilt and self-loathing. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to help her. I needed her to be okay.

"Do I?" Sophie responded with a twisted expression. "I don't even know anymore. All I can see is the trouble I've caused, the death and destruction. I mean, if I'd never gone to halapatov in the first place, the ghosts would never have latched on to the teleport watch and pulled so many of them through. If it weren't for me, all those people wouldn't have died. How can you not see that? I'm despicable."

"Sophie..." my voice went quiet, as a plethora of thoughts swirled in my mind. "All the teleport watch did was accelerate the process. Those ghosts were going to come through anyway. People would've died anyway. And because so many of them came through at once, the authorities were alerted and something was able to be done about it. We don't know if they would've been able to otherwise. Things could've gotten worse and spiralled out of control. But because we were there the ghosts were able to be stopped."

"But Riowyn's dead. She's gone. I should've been able to do something. But I killed her. Because of what I did and didn't do. It's all my fault. I'm horrendous. I'm- I'm...." she burst into tears afresh, and I stepped closer to her, wanting to comfort her but she pushed me away. I stood there, hurt, looking at the backdrop of forest and pale sky of my Flauraan home. Sophie continued, hugging her arms and shaking. "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to go back home? How am I supposed to continue with anything? I can't- I won't...." she continued to cry.

"Sophie, it'll be okay." I told her in a calm voice, countering the panicked beating of my heart. Thump thump thump. She shook her head.

"All this work... all this USELESS work, trying to find my dad, as if I'm some hero. They're probably dead. I amount to nothing. And even when I'm not failing my mission, I'm causing problems on wonderful places like here, and halapatov. I disgust myself." She paused for a moment, looking down with a grimace. "I don't know what I'm going to do. But... I have to leave now... I can't be this burden on you any longer." She drew herself up and started to gather herself together.

I responded in a panic. "Sophie, no! Please don't leave... You're my best friend. Please. I don't think you're a failure at all. Please Sophie. Just stay one more day, calm down, think things through. Everything will be okay. It will it will. Please." My voice cracked as I spoke and I had to force down the sobs that threatened to escape my mind.

Sophie looked at me, eyes showing deep conflict. At a more basic level, she just looked sad. Everything that had happened had worn her down, and she didn't know what to do about it other than get away. I understood, but I knew I couldn't let her go like this. I just couldn't.

"Please." I pleaded, and she bit her lip, shook her head. Exhausted tears welled up beneath my defiant stance.

"I can't." she said in a quiet, strangled voice, and then turned to leave, hand going to the teleport watch, inputting coordinates. My mind screamed defeat at me, and a new thread of logic started to appear. I had to appeal to her in some way. So before she could press the watch's button and leave my life forever, I approached her.

"Sophie," she turned her head to face me curiously and I pulled her into a tight hug. She was surprised by the contact and stood awkwardly for a moment, before wrapping her arms around me too, squeezing once and then pushing me back. I grabbed her hand before she could let go. "Please, promise you'll come back to see me." I said.

Her face contorted as if she was having an internal struggle, but then her mouth set into a straight line and she nodded.

Spurred by this victory, I continued. Thump, thump, thump. "You don't have to do this. Please, stay."

Her mouth turned downwards again, and she shrugged off my hand. "I can't."

"No, Sophie, please."

"Goodbye Abi."

"Sophie, no!!!"

The sudden electrical buzz of the teleport watch powering up, and then she disappeared in a burst of light, cheeks still wet with tears.

.

.

"No." I said softly, alone on the hill once more.

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